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• MARRIAGE COUNSELING (successful marriage - November 2020)
A successful marriage supports the growth and strength of both partners. Each partner brings a unique strength and weakness to the union. The key is each partner learning how to manage their own past without throwing it up on the current marriage. Learn to look at your partner and truly see that person.
Ask yourself: What do I really know about my spouse? Did I ask pertinent questions and do my research before I signed the marriage contract with this person? What are the specific issues facing us today? What can I do now to help correct the fears/problems? Am I willing to do an honest evaluation of my contribution to these problems? Do I believe this marriage is worth the effort?
Marriage is a legal contract. If you doubt that, attempt to get out of it without legal procedures. Marriage can also be a contract that helps us feel more secure that we have someone who is on our side. Someone who will be there for you. Someone to share the enjoyable times and the miserable times. A partner to help you evaluate a situation and problem solve – sometimes two heads are better than one if you are on the same side.
A marriage requires an investment of time, energy, love, commitment, sexual faithfulness, humility, patience, forgiveness, honesty, trust, communication, generosity and kindness. Wow – that’s a lot. However, if you and the other person are willing to make an investment, people tell me that it is worth the effort. You will have a true friend with fringe benefits.
Life is filled with choices and we can learn Skills to make wise choices. You decide who and what you want in your life.
Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to:
Communicate Effectively
Problem Solve
Team Play/Work
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• MARRIAGE COUNSELING (emotional maturity - December 2020)
Bring a full disclosure of your Actions and your Intent to the table. I will do the same. And, then we can discuss a possible solution to the problem.
Emotional maturity is required to acknowledge/own my actions and my intentions in any transaction. It may be with my personal partner or anyone else. Frequently we come to the Discussion Table in a defensive mode. Think of an incident that a discussion turned into an argument. Ask “What was my part of that? Did I behave in a mature way? Did I govern my thoughts and stay on the subject?”
Emotional maturity is based on what I am telling myself -– my thoughts that lead to those feelings (emotions). Learn to manage your thinking and stay in the present moment with a “problem solving” mode of operating. Look at “how” you enter a conversation. Are you expecting a fight or are you planning to hear the other person and state your view and then use your skills to problem solve.
Do a “benefit analysis” –- ask “What will I benefit by arguing my point? What will I benefit if I listen to the other person? What will I benefit if I use Problem Solving Skills?” Look at it this way -- you already know what’s in your head – you do not know what’s in the other person’s head unless you stop and listen to them.
I ran groups with the criminal population for over 25 years. At the end of each 21 weeks of sessions, I told each member what I had learned from them. If we are not too brilliant, we can learn something from everyone we meet; and, we can give something back.
Emotional intelligence is based on knowing how to problem solve in a mature manner. Learn to be calm, confident and peaceful by using Cognitive Behavioral Skills – with self and with others.
We have choices in life. You can choose to learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills and then choose to use them daily.
Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to:
Communicate Effectively
Problem Solve
Team Play/Work
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