Divorce is difficult even when we are practicing civility. Remember that the person you married is not the person you are divorcing. Divorce is a legal contract – just like that marriage contract you signed.
Divorce is challenging for the adults and even more so for the children. There are mistakes that parents make during divorce that can be avoided is we use skills.
Some common mistakes parents make during divorce:
.Asking your children to be your messenger to the other parent.
.Fighting when your children can hear you.
.Questioning your children about the other parent.
.Explosive behaviors when you are exchanging your children.
.Coaching your children on what to say/do with the other parent.
.Disrupting your child’s extracurricular activities.
.Reviewing your divorce with your child (it is not theirs).
.Bringing your love interest into your child’s life too early.
.Asking (insisting) that your children “choose sides”.
.Your main focus is on divorce – not the children.
Your children need you to be their support system; so, learn how to take care of yourself—-physically, mentally and emotionally. If you care for you in a mature/healthy way, you will be a stronger and more caring parent for your children. Ask for help from your support system so you will avoid leaning on your children to be your adult support.
During the divorce process, we often get angry with the other person. Keep in mind that the speaker gets to say what they want to say and the listener gets to hear (interpret) what they want to hear.
Remember: Emotions have no place in business. During the divorce process, you are doing personal business with this other adult. It is wise to cooperate vs compete during this process. You can make this a mature/problem solving event. If children are involved, it is even more important that each parent behave as a mature adult.
Learn Cognitive-Behavioral Skills and use them daily to help you stay in a compassionate problem-solving mode through the divorce process. Remember: You get to decide how you think, feel, and behave. Emotionally mature people problem solve vs arguing and blaming. (Side Note: If you really want to get even with someone, go on and live your life being healthy and happy.)
Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to: