Emotional maturity is required to acknowledge/own my actions and my intentions in any transaction. It may be with my personal partner or anyone else. Frequently we come to the Discussion Table in a defensive mode. Think of an incident that a discussion turned into an argument. Ask “What was my part of that? Did I behave in a mature way? Did I govern my thoughts and stay on the subject?”
Emotional maturity is based on what I am telling myself -– my thoughts that lead to those feelings (emotions). Learn to manage your thinking and stay in the present moment with a “problem solving” mode of operating. Look at “how” you enter a conversation. Are you expecting a fight or are you planning to hear the other person and state your view and then use your skills to problem solve.
Do a “benefit analysis” –- ask “What will I benefit by arguing my point? What will I benefit if I listen to the other person? What will I benefit if I use Problem Solving Skills?” Look at it this way — you already know what’s in your head – you do not know what’s in the other person’s head unless you stop and listen to them.
I ran groups with the criminal population for over 25 years. At the end of each 21 weeks of sessions, I told each member what I had learned from them. If we are not too brilliant, we can learn something from everyone we meet; and, we can give something back.
Emotional intelligence is based on knowing how to problem solve in a mature manner. Learn to be calm, confident and peaceful by using Cognitive Behavioral Skills – with self and with others.
We have choices in life. You can choose to learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills and then choose to use them daily.
Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to: