Committed Relationships are based on mutually agreed-upon dedication to one another. A committed relationship involves love, trust, honesty, openness, mutual goals and agreed on ways to accomplish those goals.
There are many forms of committed relationships including close friends, long-term relationships, engagement, marriage, and civil unions. The commonality among these is the commitment and the meaning of the commitment; especially in these trying times.
Frequently couples tend to form their union based on superfluous values; i.e., physical appearance, finances, etc. These are important if we also consider the following: basic belief system about what each values, goals, sexual issues, financial matters, gender responsibilities, family loyalties, expectations, problem solving styles, communication styles.
After reading the above list, do you believe you checked these items before you engaged in a committed relationship?
As you review the items, write down the ones that you believe would be helpful for you and your partner to discuss. You may ask your partner to do the same exercise. Set a time to discuss your findings and use Skills (Reflect and Ask coming down the Fact Funnel). You may both find areas that you have wanted to discuss and was hesitant for whatever reason.
Look back through your history with your partner and ask: “What are the parts of our relationship that I believe are valuable? What are the parts that are destructive for me?” Put weights on your answers and determine which one is most important to you; the valuable ones or the destructive ones.
Note: Many relationships can be salvaged and even flourish after learning basic skills. Skills are important. Skills require people using them to be effective. Learn and Use. Your choice.
Couples Counseling can be helpful when you have issues that you believe are unsolvable. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is focused on effective communication and problem-solving skills.
Note: The grass is usually not greener on the other side of the fence unless there is a septic tank under it. In other words, your relationship may be worth working for and moving forward in a more calm, confident and peaceful manner. A committed relationship is work; sometimes hard work. However, if both people are willing to learn the skills required and to use them consistently, the payoff can be exponential. You decide.
Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to: