“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something that one finds, it is something that one creates.” Thomas Szasz
Anger is an interesting emotion. It is often described as “anger issues” that come along with anxiety. We are supposed to manage anger versus explore or simply experience it. People have done horrible things when angry, so we typically associate anger with danger.
People create problems not because they feel angry. They behave harmfully because they do not stop and think clearly about how they are viewing the situation. Remember: thoughts lead to feelings that lead to behaviors. Anger is a feeling/emotion that is controlled by what a person thinks. Stop and think clearly before heading into an argument/fight that could have been resolved by using effective communication versus arguing and attempting to prove you are right.
Anger is often expressed as a means of protecting self or loved ones. Consider the different words we use for anger: rage, livid, fury, irate. Those words pull down images of dangerous behavior that create fear that leads to a perceived need to protect. We tend to forget that just because anger has the potential to become dangerous behavior – doesn’t mean that it always will if we stop and listen to ourselves and others. Listening versus blaming/accusing. Let the other person know you have heard their side of the story and then ask that they hear what you have to say about the situation. Listen with the intent to solve a problem rather than create a bigger problem.
Sometimes angry behavior is used to ward off offenders. If the other person is being a bully, you may use angry behavior/words to attempt to ward off their aggressive/abusive behaviors. Research shows that adult bullying is common and often affects many people. Adult bullying is often covert. It can still have a violent effect on the target. The negative impact of bullying can have a long-lasting effect on the victim. It can disturb the self-esteem of the person being bullied and ruin a close relationship or a work relationship.
Anger turned to bullying is destructive for the offender and the offended. Learn to use Skills of effective communication and problem-solving. Learn to discuss and solve issues by using these Skills and staying in the present.
The CHOICE is yours…Keep your Power in your pocket or give it away.
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