Life Skills Unlimited

Lisa H. Lang, Ph.D.

110 Red Oak Lane
Flower Mound, TX 75028
972-724-0748
214-797-5504

Thoughts lead to
Feelings lead to
Behavior

“I think, therefore I feel.”

Blog > Stress Management

Licensed Professional Counselor
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist
Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist

Depression or Sadness about Life Changes

Depression is common and may be a serious medical illness that negatively affects how you think, feel, and behave. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems that affect your capability at work or home. Depression can affect your ability to problem solve or to appreciate and enjoy your life. It can interfere with your eating, sleeping, or your usual daily activities. Depression can be very destructive.

Is your depression a medical condition that is on-going or is it situational that is caused by a loss in your immediate life. Depending on the cause and effect will make a difference in treatment. We have all gone through times when we felt sad and frightened – that is a part of life. Depression is intense and more confusing and longer lasting.

Ask yourself if this depressed feeling has been on-going or has it occurred because of a particular event. Get help with resolving the conflict that is occurring in your life. Find ways to gain stability and a sense of control in your life. Evaluate the events in your life and determine the source of the depressed mood. Has there been a death in your family or friends? Are you in a turbulent situation with divorce or moving or job changing? What are the external events in your life that may have led to discouraged feelings. Are you feeling depressed or just disappointed about a situation? Are you being too hard on yourself about a decision you made and now regret it?

Being sad is not the same as having depression. The grieving process is natural and unique to each person and has some features of depression. Both grief and depression may involve intense sadness and withdrawal from your usual activities.

You may begin by focusing on solutions and/or acceptance of the situation. How might you bring more hope and joy into your life? What are you hoping will happen now and how will you help that happen? Is there someone that you may ask to help with the difficult situation you are in now? Consider your support system and ask for help – remember we all go through trying times and need a little help from others.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to help in treating depression or extreme sadness. CBT is a form of therapy focused on problem solving in the present. CBT helps you recognize distorted/negative thinking with the goal of changing thoughts and behaviors to respond to challenges in a more positive manner. You learn to look at the facts of a situation and apply logical thinking that helps you solve the problem.

Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to:
Communicate Effectively
Problem Solve
Team Play/Work

Stress is an emotional response


Stress is an emotional response based on a mental interpretation of an event. Living in the past creates stress. Think in terms of NOW and what I am capable of doing to change the situation to be more calming and productive. Evaluate the situation using facts vs emotions.

Ask: What have I done in the past that was helpful in a similar situation and how can I use that information in the present? What can I do now to turn this into an opportunity vs stressing about what I cannot do? Who may be able to help me solve this issue? How can I organize my thoughts and behaviors to solve this problem?

Now, you are moving from being stuck in the past to problem solving in the present moment. Sometimes it may be frightening to think “I have to move forward.”; however, you may consider all the capabilities you have now and how you may use them in this situation. Sometimes we have thoughts of failure when faced with a new and demanding decision.

STOP – look at the Facts; evaluate the situation based on your desired outcome. Often we have more choices and capabilities than we thought. Stress is inevitable; however, we have choices of how we interpret any event. We can lessen the magnitude of the stress. Stress is an emotion. Stop and think clearly.

Remember: Thoughts lead to feeling that lead to behaviors.

Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to:
Communicate Effectively
Problem Solve
Team Play/Work

kindness vs rudeness

 
“Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use.” Emily Post

What is your basic belief about people? Do you think humans are basically kind or just a bunch of jerks? How do you use that basic belief to live your life on a daily basis?

How do you manage your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors when you allow yourself to become frustrated with someone’s behavior? Do you stop and think through the event and ask: “What is the main event in this situation?” “What did that person actually do?” “What did I do?” “What could I have done differently?” That does not mean you are responsible for the other person’s behavior. You are accountable only for your actions.

Do you know how to manage stress and sometimes simply accept frustration and distress? Perhaps there was nothing you could have done differently.

Remember: Self-control, determination, and resilience is your key to self-regulation. Learn the Skills to: Communicate Effectively, Problem Solve, and Team Play. Cognitive Behavioral skills to deal with the stress so you can be kind and calm with your responses. Skills that we all need to live healthier and happier.

Kindness, politeness, manners do not cost a penny; rudeness, offensiveness, nastiness will cost you a lot.

Remember: You get to decide how you Think – feel – Behave.

Thoughts lead to feelings that lead to Behaviors.

CHANGING IS A CHOICE.

Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to:
Communicate Effectively
Problem Solve
Team Play/Work

What’s up? Solve it.

 
“Deal With” vs “Dwell On”

How do you deal with what you believe is a problem? Do you dwell on the issue and continue to think in circles? That’s obsessing vs problem solving.

What process, skills, do you use to evaluate any situation so you can make a wise decision? Have you gathered all the facts that are available to you about the situation/event?

Do you look at this event/situation with clear thinking in the present moment? A similar situation may have happened in the past and you are thinking the results will be the same this time. Just because something happened in the past does not necessarily mean it will happen again this time.

Use your Cognitive Behavioral skills. Gather facts using Reflect and Ask method.

Learn to Problem Solve vs assuming. Learn to be calm, confident and peaceful to achieve the results you think are most helpful.

Remember: You have a say in this decision. Use appropriate and helpful skills to reach a factual and wise solution. You Decide.

Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to:
Communicate Effectively
Problem Solve
Team Play/Work

problem solve factually

 
“Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are.” Norman Vincent Peale

How do you sort out facts from fiction?
What process do you use to help you view your world more clearly and make wise decisions?

Are you using Cognitive Behavioral skills to stay in the present moment and make wise decisions?

Living in the Past is detrimental. Use your past to motivate you; not hold you back.

Look at the current event/facts and ask:

What is the real issue?
What can I do about this issue?
(Maybe I can do nothing or little that is helpful.)
How may I think of this event/issue differently?
(in a more factual way)
Who might be able to help me sort out this issue?
(maybe there is another view)

Remember: I get to Decide how I Think, feel, and Behave.

Learn Cognitive Behavioral Skills to:
Communicate Effectively
Problem Solve
Team Play/Work

For more counseling information:

Life Skills Unlimited
110 Red Oak Lane
Flower Mound, TX 75028
972-724-0748
214-797-5504
© 2024 Life Skills Unlimited & Dr. Lisa H. Lang, PhD. All Rights Reserved.

Lisa H. Lang Ph.D. is a licensed professional counselor (LPC) & marriage and family therapist (LMFT) located in Flower Mound, TX with over 30 years experience. She is a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and life coach offering psychotherapy, hypnosis, and other solutions to those seeking counseling. Dr. Lang is conveniently located to residents of Flower Mound, Lewisville, Carrollton, Southlake, Grapevine, Coppell, and the Dallas/Fort Worth area.